Not a Clue by Chloe Delaume

Author:Chloe Delaume [Delaume, Chloé]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781496212962
Publisher: UNP - Nebraska
Published: 2019-06-14T23:00:00+00:00

Paris is an alkaloid. I wish I were already on Methadone.

Here’s a picture of Patrick Bouvet saying: “When I write, I stand up.”

Round 2

(The Dice Are Still Loaded)

I’m making a record of every word, everything that Mathias says. It makes me feel like we’re still talking, he used to talk to me a lot, Mathias talks a lot, the answers don’t matter, he doesn’t need them. I record every TV show he’s on, and every radio broadcast he’s invited to. I play the tapes over and over, I replace the reporters’ questions with my own, more intimate, more precise, more pertinent, obviously more pertinent, I know him so well I know what to do, what Mathias is waiting for, what he needs.

Every day I read the blog Mathias writes on his site. Via the address he put under contact, I send him emails from all kinds of identities. He only answers the ones that are signed by girls. He shares a lot with Lain Iwakura, tells her about his nights, his doubts, and his desires. I can tell he’s on the verge of falling in love, it twists my heart, and the rest of my plumbing too.

Mathias never talks about me. To anyone. It’s like our love never existed. In one of his books I thought I recognized myself, my beauty marks form a kind of dark star on my right shoulder blade. But he often says he’s a ladies’ man, that all the bodies get mixed up together, that all his heroines are a jumble of us all, retouched puzzles, tender little monsters, nocturnal reconstructions, and I cry about feeding his fictional shadows, deleted as I am in this fantasy fog.

Dance Card

(Take This Waltz)

Mathias nods to his partner, extends his hand, three little steps. To the question Your previous works were radically different, what is the source of this sudden reversal Mathias bends in a bow and straightens back up, three little steps. Mathias elegantly follows up with the obligatory steps: reappropriation of narration, the desire to communicate with a larger group. About-face, stop, three little steps. He says writers have to be interested in the world around them and not spend their time navel-gazing. Change of partners, arabesque, and three little steps. He says the worst things about women writers of autofiction. The pathos of exposing your ovaries is straight out of Barnum, it would a better idea to get medical attention. That the truth of their texts should be explored, autofiction’s just a nice word for autobiographies by women who lie. Easy leap, about-face, three little steps. He says there should be no feminine form for the word author. That would be an insult to women writers if we cut into the dictionary to alleviate its excision. To the question but there are feminine forms for other professions, we say actress, waitress, stewardess, as soon as there is any power, whether it’s real or symbolic, the feminine doesn’t have a space maybe something should be done about

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